Today is the first midwife appointment and I’m absolutely terrified. I tend to spend the few days prior to an appointment absolutely terrified about the news that they will deliver. Why is this? Everything has gone really well so far, and with the assurance of things going so well in the twelve-week appointment, I should really stop worrying that unspeakably horrible news will be delivered at an appointment. Yet every time, I’m so, so scared. I wish they would do the heartbeat thing first, so I can actually enjoy the rest of the appointment. I’ve tried to really think about what makes me so scared and anxious that something will go terribly awry, and have come up with the following:
-This is too easy. I got pregnant incredibly quickly and easily and surprisingly. I know that some people try for years and year and deal with all sorts of crap in trying to get pregnant. Why has it been so easy for me?
-I read a lot. I’ve read a ton of blogs about babies that die and mothers that loved them. So many of them knew it could/would happen, and just as many were completely blind sighted. I don’t want something horrifying to happen but reading about it all the time makes me really paranoid and scared.
-Everything is so good and happy that I’m sort-of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ugh, how I don’t want it to drop…
The bottom line is that I need to stop it and enjoy. An anxious mom makes an anxious baby, and that’s the last thing I need. I’m going to get all of my questions and concerns answered, and hopefully this late in the game, I can calm the hell down and just… breathe…
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Important Always...
Random things that I learned this weekend:
-Love is getting on the phone at a moments’ notice and asking a stranger about “rectal bleeding.”
-Punk rock and pregnancy do not go together.
-Regardless of whether we have a boy or a girl, Toby is going to be an amazing father. Kids are drawn to him like a magnet and he’s terrific at making them laugh.
-Love is getting on the phone at a moments’ notice and asking a stranger about “rectal bleeding.”
-Punk rock and pregnancy do not go together.
-Regardless of whether we have a boy or a girl, Toby is going to be an amazing father. Kids are drawn to him like a magnet and he’s terrific at making them laugh.
Fifteen
This week baby is about four inches long and weighs 2.5 ounces. He’s flailing all around, and is pretty close to letting me know he’s in there with the party going on in my uterus. His eyelashes and eyebrows are now forming, and even though his eyes are closed, he’s now sensitive to light! This means that I’ll be taking him out in the sun and shining a flashlight into my tummy to see what happens! This week is an exciting one as we’ve got a midwife appointment and get to hear baby’s heartbeat again!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Baby is kicking (but very softly)
I’ve dropped a little bit of the midwife vs. doctor stress, and I’m just going to let what happens happen. It’s not like this will be my only child so if one option turns out to be awful, I can always try, try again. After a lot of back and forth with the awful receptionist, the midwife actually called me and addressed my concerns. This further reinforces my idea that the problems are not with the midwives themselves, but with the jerk they’ve hired to take their calls.
Regardless, I feel like so much time happens between appointments and I hate that I have no idea what’s going on. I’m counting down the days until my next appointment (five) and am just incredibly anxious to hear his heartbeat again. I can see my tummy growing, but I need more. I know that in later months I’ll feel him kick and that’ll be reassurance enough. But for now, I keep reading all these blogs/books where everything goes terribly awry and it just puts me right on edge. I keep reminding myself that things are progressing and in one month I’ll know the sex for certain and around the same time I’ll start feeling baby kick. It will all start happening so soon and I’m so very ready for it!
Regardless, I feel like so much time happens between appointments and I hate that I have no idea what’s going on. I’m counting down the days until my next appointment (five) and am just incredibly anxious to hear his heartbeat again. I can see my tummy growing, but I need more. I know that in later months I’ll feel him kick and that’ll be reassurance enough. But for now, I keep reading all these blogs/books where everything goes terribly awry and it just puts me right on edge. I keep reminding myself that things are progressing and in one month I’ll know the sex for certain and around the same time I’ll start feeling baby kick. It will all start happening so soon and I’m so very ready for it!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
On getting old(er)
I’m having a hard time writing because everything is going well. My tummy is growing, and aside from that effin constant heartburn, pregnant life is good.
Just now a friend that I was really close to in high school came in to do some banking. We’ve seen each other around the ‘hood a few times since, but in high school we were inseparable. He’s going to school, and told me a bit about his summer plans and how his last semester went. When he asked what was new with me I told him the usual stuff, and said, “And I’m having a baby in November.” He was completely shocked. “Really????” he asked, completely incredulous. We laughed for a while how weird everything was. I told him how sometimes after work I get in my car and think, “Cool! I have a car!” and he often thinks the same. Our ten year graduation anniversary is coming up this year, and I have a feeling that many people just shake their head in wonder, shocked at how we all have cars and jobs and spouses and babies. Weird.
Just now a friend that I was really close to in high school came in to do some banking. We’ve seen each other around the ‘hood a few times since, but in high school we were inseparable. He’s going to school, and told me a bit about his summer plans and how his last semester went. When he asked what was new with me I told him the usual stuff, and said, “And I’m having a baby in November.” He was completely shocked. “Really????” he asked, completely incredulous. We laughed for a while how weird everything was. I told him how sometimes after work I get in my car and think, “Cool! I have a car!” and he often thinks the same. Our ten year graduation anniversary is coming up this year, and I have a feeling that many people just shake their head in wonder, shocked at how we all have cars and jobs and spouses and babies. Weird.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The baby is raking it in!
I opened a teeny-tiny little savings account for my baby when I first found out about him, and it got its’ first interest payment today! How exciting! Obviously I’m not going to put him through college with the thirty cents we just made, but quite exciting nonetheless.
I’ve been in a rather crap mood all day long, and just now I’m finally feeling better. I was helping this little old man and suddenly he said, “Wow! I have so many steps to go!” When I inquired as to what he was talking about, he said that he was working really hard to get ten thousand steps in per day, and he was only at 1600 so far. He was just the cutest little thing ever. I’m really loving (super) old people more and more these days.
I’ve been in a rather crap mood all day long, and just now I’m finally feeling better. I was helping this little old man and suddenly he said, “Wow! I have so many steps to go!” When I inquired as to what he was talking about, he said that he was working really hard to get ten thousand steps in per day, and he was only at 1600 so far. He was just the cutest little thing ever. I’m really loving (super) old people more and more these days.
Midwife Vs. Doctor
I woke up this morning after a bunch of terrible dreams, feeling all headachy, stuffed up, and generally like crap. I’ve been really stressing out about which way I’m going to go with the remainder of my medical care for this pregnancy and I just don’t know which way to take it. I realize that it’s not the most important decision in the world – in the end of it all, I’m going to have an amazing little baby. But I kind of feel like the knowledge and help that gets me there counts for something, doesn’t it?
Originally, my GP referred me to the Lions Gate Maternity clinic. That clinic has five women doctors running it, and throughout your appointments you meet all of them. Once the day of delivery comes, you have a 20% chance of each one of these women delivering. They are all really nice, knowledgeable, and helpful with my questions. Even when Toby went with me, he was impressed with how thorough and helpful the doctor was. So far, I’ve been reasonably happy with them and my one and only qualm is truly not knowing who will be there at delivery. The thing with doctors is that you never get their full attention, and you never have one person from the start to the finish of your labour. Nurses are in and out; changing shifts and helping others. The fact that I’d have to fill in every incoming person on my needs and wants wasn’t exactly an ideal situation for me.
About nine weeks into my pregnancy, my sister-in-law told me about the midwife who delivered her daughter, and she had absolutely wonderful things to say. I really trust her child-rearing/raising opinions, and along with the extensive research I did about midwifery it really sounded like a great route. The appointments are longer, and they really focused on you and getting you truly prepared for labour in the most natural and pain-free way. Not only that, but the midwife is with you throughout the whole labour, which I really, really like. I feel like I should have an ally there for me, rather than a string of people coming in and out. We really weighed the pros and cons of both situations, and this particular midwife seemed like the way to go. Not only that, but their practice is really well known and received on the north shore, so every person I talked to had positive things to say about these particular midwives. I had a long chat with one of them prior to making my first appointment, and that talk really left me feeling with a positive attitude about moving over there.
My first appointment was made, and everything was fine – and then they put me in touch with their receptionist. She’s the woman who basically handles everything to do with the Midwives, and essentially the point person when it comes to getting in touch with them. We got off on the wrong foot, because after making it explicitly clear that I work business hours and would like either early morning or late afternoon appointments, she sent me my entire set of appointments from now until delivery, and they were all scheduled for eleven am. I can understand if some of them don’t fit into my schedule, but every single one? Also, if the clinic, with tons more patients can work itself into my schedule, I’m sure a tiny practice can too. It was pretty clear that she just wasn’t listening, and every email I received in return had a crappy, snippy comment. In the latest annoyingness, I inquired about my blood work. I have to get the second round of a particular blood work done this week, and it’s pretty time-sensitive. I asked her whether I needed a new requisition, or if she could send me info about where to send it instead of the clinic. No proper answer. I asked her about whether my files would be there be the time my first appointment rolled around, and she sent back an email saying that she thought I’d already asked my questions of the midwives. WTF? I can’t get a hold of the midwives if it’s not though her. So, if she cannot answer my question, then she needs to direct it to the appropriate place. The last straw was her telling me to contact the other clinic and ask them to send my stuff over, if I wanted it there before my first appointment. I’ve changed dentists before, and I know that the new place asks for the old files. Why should I have to do it?
Bottom line: I’m getting realty annoyed with the whole thing. I realize that she’s JUST the receptionist, BUT… She’s the link to the midwife, and obviously a shitty one at that. What if I go into labour and she neglects to contact the right people and I have my baby in an elevator? That would be so horrible! I don’t want to have the baby in an elevator! I just don’t want some bad-attitude lady making things more difficult for me when everything was fine to begin with.
So now I’m really unsure with what to do. I don’t want stress associated with my baby-having, and I hadn’t had stress until I started dealing with this lady. So, do I stay with the doctor or continue with the midwives with the hopes that their goodness outweighs the receptionists’ annoyingness and incompetence?
Originally, my GP referred me to the Lions Gate Maternity clinic. That clinic has five women doctors running it, and throughout your appointments you meet all of them. Once the day of delivery comes, you have a 20% chance of each one of these women delivering. They are all really nice, knowledgeable, and helpful with my questions. Even when Toby went with me, he was impressed with how thorough and helpful the doctor was. So far, I’ve been reasonably happy with them and my one and only qualm is truly not knowing who will be there at delivery. The thing with doctors is that you never get their full attention, and you never have one person from the start to the finish of your labour. Nurses are in and out; changing shifts and helping others. The fact that I’d have to fill in every incoming person on my needs and wants wasn’t exactly an ideal situation for me.
About nine weeks into my pregnancy, my sister-in-law told me about the midwife who delivered her daughter, and she had absolutely wonderful things to say. I really trust her child-rearing/raising opinions, and along with the extensive research I did about midwifery it really sounded like a great route. The appointments are longer, and they really focused on you and getting you truly prepared for labour in the most natural and pain-free way. Not only that, but the midwife is with you throughout the whole labour, which I really, really like. I feel like I should have an ally there for me, rather than a string of people coming in and out. We really weighed the pros and cons of both situations, and this particular midwife seemed like the way to go. Not only that, but their practice is really well known and received on the north shore, so every person I talked to had positive things to say about these particular midwives. I had a long chat with one of them prior to making my first appointment, and that talk really left me feeling with a positive attitude about moving over there.
My first appointment was made, and everything was fine – and then they put me in touch with their receptionist. She’s the woman who basically handles everything to do with the Midwives, and essentially the point person when it comes to getting in touch with them. We got off on the wrong foot, because after making it explicitly clear that I work business hours and would like either early morning or late afternoon appointments, she sent me my entire set of appointments from now until delivery, and they were all scheduled for eleven am. I can understand if some of them don’t fit into my schedule, but every single one? Also, if the clinic, with tons more patients can work itself into my schedule, I’m sure a tiny practice can too. It was pretty clear that she just wasn’t listening, and every email I received in return had a crappy, snippy comment. In the latest annoyingness, I inquired about my blood work. I have to get the second round of a particular blood work done this week, and it’s pretty time-sensitive. I asked her whether I needed a new requisition, or if she could send me info about where to send it instead of the clinic. No proper answer. I asked her about whether my files would be there be the time my first appointment rolled around, and she sent back an email saying that she thought I’d already asked my questions of the midwives. WTF? I can’t get a hold of the midwives if it’s not though her. So, if she cannot answer my question, then she needs to direct it to the appropriate place. The last straw was her telling me to contact the other clinic and ask them to send my stuff over, if I wanted it there before my first appointment. I’ve changed dentists before, and I know that the new place asks for the old files. Why should I have to do it?
Bottom line: I’m getting realty annoyed with the whole thing. I realize that she’s JUST the receptionist, BUT… She’s the link to the midwife, and obviously a shitty one at that. What if I go into labour and she neglects to contact the right people and I have my baby in an elevator? That would be so horrible! I don’t want to have the baby in an elevator! I just don’t want some bad-attitude lady making things more difficult for me when everything was fine to begin with.
So now I’m really unsure with what to do. I don’t want stress associated with my baby-having, and I hadn’t had stress until I started dealing with this lady. So, do I stay with the doctor or continue with the midwives with the hopes that their goodness outweighs the receptionists’ annoyingness and incompetence?
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