And the beat goes on...

I must say, the Doppler has been such a lovely thing to have. With all of the strenuous packing and moving activities I’ve been doing, it’s a very reassuring thing to Doppler the tummy and make sure all is well. His heartbeat ranges in speed, but it’s always very strong and wooshy. I’m so glad I got the Doppler to decrease my paranoia. It’s also been simply a nice treat at the end of the day, especially with as much hard physical labour as we’ve been doing with the moving thing. Sandwiches, Toby and I have been intently listening to the baby swimming in there. However, I think he might not like hearing it as much. From what I’ve read, he can hear his own heartbeat in utero, and every time I turn the volume up on the Doppler he seems to stay for only a moment until he swims entirely to the other side of my belly!

The thing I’m currently waiting for is for that second semester rush of energy that everyone promises. Lately I’ve been simply drained, and I’m kind of desiring more of a manic-type of nesting, rather than feeling absolutely dead to the world at the end of the day.

And back to the grind...

My week away was fantastic. I felt like I’d been working nonstop since December, and I was just ready for a substantial break. Nine days was nice, and allowed us to use our time both for business and pleasure.

In terms of “business,” our house is about 25 percent packed, thus allowing us to move some things around and get the carpets redone in preparation for listing the current place and buying a new one. Packing in a little more difficult with the tummy, but I keep telling myself that it’s not as difficult as it will be with a bigger tummy or even with a baby. All in all, I’m really looking forward to moving and having a place for baby.

Camping along the Oregon Coast was lovely. Unbeknownst to me, there are miles and miles of beautiful sand dunes along the coast. We rented an ATV and actually drove around on the dunes. While Toby was very careful to not jostle us too much, the same could not be said for me. I tentatively checked out my surroundings when it was my turn to drive, and then promptly got air while flying over a sand dune! Toby was neither pleased at all the jostling nor agreed with my next career choice and a sand-dune driver (because I’m sure there’s a market for that!). Pregnant camping is much the same as regular camping, save for additional difficulty getting out of the tent (Toby and Sandwiches both had a good laugh at my lack of grace in this area) and the lack of drinking (although sparkling wine was a decent alternative). I hope we go camping a lot in the coming summer, and of course, when baby comes. Almost everyone had children with them, and bringing a baby along will be as easy as bringing along a pack-and-play.

Now I’m in a doomy-gloomy mood of being back at work after a vacation. Twenty-ish more weeks to go. I feel rather uninspired to write here, to do work, to do anything not relating to home-type stuff. I’m sure it’ll pass once I get back into it…

And the good news abounds

After many calls and emails, I finally got the results of my blood tests for bad diseases.
The normal odds for someone my age to have a fetus with downs syndrome or spina bifida are 1 in 1250.
The chances of our baby having either is 1 in 20,000! Along with being freakishly fertile, we’re both freakishly healthy. Hooray!

Hipster baby

A tiny little boy just came in tight jeans, a button-up shirt and checkered vans. He was the cutest little thing ever and made my eyes water. Maybe I’ll dress my child in hipster fashion…

What I realized today is that pregnancy is just a bunch of milestones, lined up and ready to cross. Today, we went through a big one. Normally to work I wear a button-up shirt below a nice sweater or blazer. Today I was unable to button up the bottom few buttons of my shirt. Meaning: I’m walking around with only the top half of my shirt done up and my belly poking out the rest. And I’m not even close to my full dignity-loosing potential yet. The best is yet to come!

How weird is this whole pregnancy thing?

There are a few pregnancy things that just make me cock my head to the side in a confused fashion when I think about them.

-Inside, I’m growing a baby with different DNA and blood type to me. He’s not just a part of me reminiscent of Eve being a little bit of Adam; he’s a weird combo of me and Toby. Lately I’ve been reading about the dangers of the baby’s blood commingling with mine (because I have something with a different blood type inside me!) in the case of an amnio and it struck me as bizarre. We’re totally different people, but for now he needs my resources to survive. In such a short time he’ll be his own being with his own blood type, his own DNA, and he’ll be on the outside! How exciting!

-My whole life, it’s been a tiny bit taboo to talk about… certain things in mixed company. But here I am, openly acknowledging that my spouse and I have sex. I talk about the fact that I’m going to shoot the baby out of my vagina. And feed him with my boobs. Why is this suddenly socially acceptable? Generally you’re meant to keep the sex/vagina/boobies talk in either your bedroom or in the bar but suddenly it’s all okay, or even encouraged! Why?

-I woke up in the middle of the night last night and told Toby that I had no idea how to change a boy diaper! I don’t even know whether it’s a boy or not, but… I don’t know some things! When you diaper a boy, should his penis point upwards or downwards? Do they really pee on you when you change them? I asked Toby and he seemed to have a surprising amount of insight into penis things that I didn’t know, but still… There’s a lot of unanswered (and weird, I know!) questions that I haven’t yet considered.

This whole baby-having thing – it’s a pretty hilarious adventure…

Sixteen

This week my baby is starting to play; he’s tugging on the umbilical cord that attaches us and sucking on his thumb. He’s only the length of a six-inch sub (which is sooo easy for me to visualize!) and is expected to double in length and weight in these next three weeks. Month four is sure to be an exciting one! Everything I read suggests that I will not begin to feel pain in my sides, as my uterus and pelvic walls grow and stretch. The most exciting development this week is that the tiny bones in his ears are growing, which means he’s starting to hear sounds!

Also, I finally gave in to my incredible paranoia, and… rented a Doppler. It’s coming by the end of this week and I just can’t WAIT!

The day that Mr. Wiches was sad

When Toby goes off to work, as must inevitably happen at times, Sandwiches always sulks around for a few days. It’s not that he hates me or anything, it’s just that he really, really misses his daddy. I don’t pounce around and wrestle on the floor with him, I don’t clean his eye boogies as well, I don’t let him rest his jowlies on my mouth, and I don’t know how to itch him in the particular place where he feels scratchy. I hold him like a baby, feed him when he needs to be fed, let him lie on my tummy, and scratch his French Bulldog ears until he grows tired of it. But in the end, I’m his mom and not his dad. Since Toby left about 48 hours ago, Sandwiches has been looking around the house, hoping that his daddy is hiding somewhere. Even at night he’s been lurking around looking for Toby, even though I’ve told him that he’s not downstairs and will be back soon.

All of this gets me thinking about how it will be when baby is here. Will it be hard for Toby to leave his baby and will it be even harder for the baby to have her/his dad leave? Many people – from the doctors to the midwife to my friends – have inquired as to how I will handle being a single mom for some and up to half of the time. When Toby and I were first together, it was really hard for me. In a relationship, I was pretty used to having someone there always. I found it reasonable to assume that my loved one would be there for me on my birthday or when I was having a rough day or when I needed them for my amusement. With Toby, however, it was a different matter. When he’s at work, he really away. While it was hard to get used to at first, two years later I’ve discovered that I’m really used to it! So much that when there hasn’t been all that much work lately, I’ve really missed my alone time! I’ve come to enjoy our rhythm; both our time together, our time apart, and in turn – our reunion after being away from each for so long. Will the baby feel this way too? I like driving him to work, saying a tearful goodbye, and knowing that two weeks later we’ll drive there again to get him. I always say to Sandwiches, “It’s just you and me, buddy,” as we drive away, and he turns around and tries to keep looking out the back window. Will having time away from daddy make time with daddy more exciting for baby? I sure hope he sees it that way. Of course, they’ll always be able to talk on the phone and when Toby is here he’ll be able to be with baby full-time. I’m hoping that baby sees it as a good thing that his dad has such a fun and exciting and important job, which will hopefully outweigh the time we have to spend away from him.