Well, crap.

Last time I wrote I was feeling positive and happy and optimistic. That night I went home and was running up and down the stairs, convincing my spouse to take Sandwiches out for a walk with me. Coming down at the second to last step I missed a stair, rolled my ankle and fell on the floor. The loud popping noise was horrific, and I was so in pain that the wind was absolutely knocked out of me. It hurt too much to cry. I just lay there, trying to catch my breath and seeing stars while Toby barraged me with questions. Finally, I got out the words to tell him to be quiet for a minute (this situation has happened before!) and about ten minutes later I could talk again but was shaking and maybe going into shock. I was really against going to the emergency room, but after being unable to move for about 45 minutes, he finally convinced me that we needed to go.

At least we know the route to the hospital!

We waited about an hour in the ER, where I was creeped out by the screaming and yelling and germs abounding. I really, really didn’t want to be there at all. Eventually they talked me into doing x-rays, which I was initially vehemently against. Radiation is bad for babies – that much I know! But the tech, a new dad, said that I’d probably been more exposed to radiation sitting in the waiting room that I would be when he covered me from head to toe in lead. X-rays confirmed a very bad sprain and after wrapping it up and teaching me to walk with crutches, we were on our way.

Well, shit.

The next day the pain was excruciating and the ankle was entirely purple and the size of a grapefruit. The day after the swelling went down to the size of a lemon, but the gross colour has remained. On top of never having walked in crutches before, my upper body strength and physical fitness aren’t at their peak, not to mention that the extra thirty pounds I’m carrying isn’t helping anyone. I lay around the house for two days feeling like crap, and against everyone’s better judgment I came in to work today.

I already feel horrible that I left my job terribly short-staffed for the past two days, not to mention that I just returned from a twelve day vacation and am on my last month before mat leave. It was torturous getting myself here today, but now that I’m here and not doing much moving, it’s actually not that bad. Plus, I just needed to get out of the house and so did Sandwiches.

I’m so frustrated with myself for not walking carefully down the stairs. There’s so much I need to be doing and obviously I’m doing nothing. I’ve had quite the pity party for myself the last few days, but now I’m working hard to snap out of it. Yeah, my ankle hurts but things could have been much, much worse and thankfully they are not.