Five more months until my family goes from three to four

The midwife appointment went great. We heard the heartbeat and it was a quick woosh-woosh-woosh. She said it was about 150bpm, which is considerably slower than last time but still perfectly normal. I’ve heard the old wives’ tale about a very fast heartbeat (160, like last time) indicating a boy and a slower one meaning that a girl is coming. Now I’ve had a bit of both so we’re pretty in the dark about who will be giving the sex-talk ten years down the road (we’ve agreed that if it’s a boy Toby has to do it, and vice-versa). He’s swimming right in line with my belly button, which is soooo weird! I would have thought it’d be lower, and have a feeling that a higher uterus indicates an older baby. We’ll see at the next ultrasound, I suppose. She also showed us how to feel my uterus/the baby from the outside! She easily felt it and kept going, “Don’t you feel that ridge? That’s him!” I totally didn’t feel it, but even this morning Toby kept touching it and saying, “I can feel him!!!!”

In terms of my midwife vs. doctor dilemma, I’m still so totally torn. It was Toby’s job to be really aware of which experience was better for us, as now he’s been to both the doctor and the midwife. Like me, he could see the benefits of both. The midwife was a really nice and relaxed atmosphere. Instead of sitting on the doctor table thing, you sit on a nice futon with throw-pillows and face a “lending library” of pregnancy information. The midwife was attentive, easygoing, and gave validity to my typed list of questions. One thing that I really appreciated about her was how she really acknowledged Toby and asked him questions specifically related to him. She asked about his job, whether he had questions about the whole thing, and she asked also if having the baby brought up any feelings about his being adopted. I really like how they put a serious emphasis on to how he was feeling, rather than it being all about me and baby. I know this is so much about him too and I appreciated seeing that coming from the professional. So, all in all it was a good experience with the midwife. Obviously, I have no idea which is the better decision and I won’t know that until I’m actually going through it. We’re going to go through the process of moving over my paperwork and hopefully it all goes well with going through the midwives. And if it doesn’t? Well, if it doesn’t go well, we’ll deliver the next baby through the medical clinic!

When I told the midwife about my fears of something going terribly wrong, she acknowledged that it was not just me being anxious and paranoid, but that it’s a valid thing that happens to everyone at this stage. I inquired as to whether I should do something drastic, such as buying a Doppler, and she found that notion a bit funny. She said it was entirely up to me, but that I’ll truly find a sense of calm and acceptance next month once I feel the baby start moving around. She’s dealt with a lot of people who experience the exact same anxiety as me and then completely move away from fear once they have the constant reassurance of movement. So, since everything is fine, I’ll hold off on the Doppler purchase for now.

I’m so happy he’s swimming around in there.